I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
