I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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