dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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