The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
