My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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