is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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