I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
