After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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