I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
