i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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