I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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