that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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