Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
