so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
