Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
