i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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