apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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