He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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