I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
