I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize