So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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