he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
