This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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