Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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