You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize