So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
wow bdsm is so cute
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
