Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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