Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
