oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
