I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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