Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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