i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
