Got a toothbrush?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
