Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
