actually, I'm a sock model
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
