Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
And my parents said I crawled through the house
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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