She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
