I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
