So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
