I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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