They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
