Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
