She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
