dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
