there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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