if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
