We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
