my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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