In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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