So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
