Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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