u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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