smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
