I just threw up on my dentist
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
