We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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