to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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