Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
