6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
