i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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