Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
