Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How does it feel to date your dad?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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