Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
