she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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