he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
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