so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
