Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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