You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
