he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
