hotel room ftw
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
