nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
