He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
