dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
