Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
